Tuesday, 24 April 2012

You need to know: Black Milk

In case you haven't heard of these guys before, well, you're welcome.

Black Milk pretty much has the absolute coolest leggings, swimsuits, and shoes you'll find online. And only online...there's no physical store.

But seriously, just take it in...

This one's even 3D!
I hope she knows how much sex appeal she's oozing.

People please, prepare your Australian dollars (which, as I learned, are worth more than Canadian dollars...)! 

Most of the designs are only available for a limited time, so get at it!

Check them out at BlackMilkClothing.com, and for past designs check out the museum!


P.S. Please guys don't be afraid to buy me something, I'm the smallest size available...

Friday, 16 September 2011

What do you get a Troll for his Birthday?

Something he’ll never use is a good start. Something he hates is good too.

Better yet though, how about getting him something that is already his, and that he thought he lost. trololololololol

So the other day was my friend Karl’s birthday jam, and the day before him and Kevin were fooling around, and his iPod fell out of his pocket outside. Me, being the jackass I am, decided to pick it up, put it in my pocket, and act like nothing happened.

You might have to be a little more devious in order to secretly steal something off your friend, but the trick is to steal something valuable so they’ll be pissed (picture below). Take it a step further by stealing it a few days earlier. 

Make sure you do a decent wrapping job on this bad boy. Or wrap it up so that it doesn’t look like it could be the stolen item.

I decided to go with some troll paper, but take your pick.

Make sure to add some personal touches to piss them off a bit more.

Wrap it again, and there you go. If you want  to take it even further, instead of simply giving them back their item, replace it with something shittier. Say a 1st generation iPod nano instead of the new shuffle….just make sure to give it back eventually…

Happy trolling!
, marm.

Friday, 29 July 2011

Step 5: The Interview

Well, since you’ve made it this far, I’d say you’re doing pretty damn good. The interview can be pretty nerve wracking, but just calm the hell down! Slap yourself if it helps…? You pretty much want to do everything you did for applying in store—dress the part, be prepared, relax and be charming, and turn your phone off! Just make sure you’re extra prepared—not in the sense that you need a blue pen, but make sure you really know about the company, about your specialty, and about what you’ll be talking about. Practise your responses to some typical questions, and be confident in yourself. When in doubt, just smile and look pretty!

Thursday, 28 July 2011

Step 4: Go Get 'Em, Tiger!

Okay so I put you through all that preparation: you've got your resume, cover letters, and plan all ready, and it’s time to apply! Dun dun dun dunnnnnn!

1. Apply online
A lot of companies now, mostly in retail, have online applications. This may either mean that you simply upload your resume, or perhaps there’s a full application that you need to fill print and fill out. Whichever it may be, make sure you first apply online. Why? Some places don’t even take in-store applications anymore, at others you may have to fill out an application on the spot, and some just appreciate that you’re not an idiot and took the initiative to check out the company online.

2. Apply in store
Pretty obvious. Most professional and specialized companies won’t have an online application anyways. There’s a few things that you need to remember for when you go apply in-store…
-Make sure you dress the part. If you’re going to a lot of different places, choose something like a button down shirt that works for just about anywhere. Look professional so they take you seriously, but don’t make such an impression that you look like a fool.
-Come prepared. Have your resume and cover letter stapled together already, any additional applications or papers stapled as well, and always have a working pen on hand.
-Be charming. Since you’re going in store, you can really show them who you are. Don’t go overboard and start cracking jokes, but smile, be kind, and be enthusiastic. If possible, ask to speak to whoever is in charge of hiring—ask for the store manager, or in a business location, just speak to the secretary. Speaking to the right people can really make all the difference.
-Oh, and turn your damn cell phone on silent!
Alright so you finally went in store and got it over with. Now you can sit back, relax, and wait for the phone to ring so you can go to your… interview!

Wednesday, 27 July 2011

Step 3: Cover Letters

Hokay, now that you know where you’re applying, you know where to address your cover letters to. Now, cover letters are optional, in some fields they aren’t all that important, but personally I think it’s much better to have one than not to, especially if you decided not to include an objective in your resume.

Personally I think that cover letters are a pain in the culo to write (Italian much?), but they can be pretty important to have done. So, I tried to give you a bit of a template to follow…


Your Contact Information
Name, Address, Email, Phone
Copy this from your resume

Today’s Date (or when you’ll be applying)

Addressee’s Name (simply skip if you don’t know)
Addressee’s Title or Position (skip if you don’t know)
Company Name
Street Address
City, Province/State, Postal/Zip Code

Dear Potential Employer/Dear Sir or Madam,

Address why you are writing, the position that you’re interested in, how you heard of the opening, any references, and briefly why you want to be part of the company.

Now your body information. You may write this in point form or paragraph form. Pick a few of your qualifications that you would like to discuss. Quickly outline them and why they make you a valuable part of the company.

Now wrap it up. Thank them for their time, and assure them that they can contact you at any time. Include any other important information that has not been said.

Sincerely/Best regards/Your truly/etc.

[Sign here]

Your Full Name


Okay hopefully that wasn’t too bad. And again, don’t forget to review this puppy like crazy! ;)

Tuesday, 26 July 2011

Step 2: Decide Where You're Going to Apply

That’s right, honey, we’re not done yet and still have a long way to go. Now you have to decide where you’ll be submitting the resume you prepared in Step 1. If you’re only applying for a single opening at a specific location, then you’re set and can skip this step. But for all you other lost little rain drops, it’s time to make a plan! It’s best to apply to more places than necessary than not enough—literally, I applied to over 30 places in order to find my job…but the point is that I found it, right?

1. Paper Plan
This is just a list of where you’re planning to apply. If you’re not sure where to apply, just look up everywhere possible. Literally…if you want to be a hairdresser, just go on Google maps and type in “hair salons near [your address]”. If you want to find an entry-level position, just look up the directory to your nearest mall and write down every place that you’re interested in.

2. Physical Plan
Well, this is still going to be on paper, but this is your true game plan.  You have to figure out where you’ll be going so that you’re not running around! Print out a map of your mall directory or city, and get an idea of the most efficient way to hit every location.

Monday, 25 July 2011

Step 1: Get Your Resume In Order

Oh, the resume. I’m sure we all had to make one in school…and I’m sure we all bullshitted about what we wrote too. Unfortunately, it’s time to make a real one. It’s not exactly the most exciting thing, but it’s pretty straight forward, just follow this template...This is a lengthy post, so bear with me!

1. Basic Information
The most important thing, of course! For now, just list a couple of things:
-Full Name
-Full Address
-Email address (use your business address if you have one!)
-Phone number (Include home and mobile, or primary/secondary if you wish)